Listening
Pastoral counseling listening stands out in some ways as unique because the frame of one of the individuals involved is intentionally other-focused. This "other-focus" also originates from the "pastoral" part of the listening, but not exclusively as Christianity in general promotes "other-focus". The point of pastoral counseling listening is to try and understand as fully as possible what the person is trying to communicate. This may not be what they think they want to communicate, such as a fact without their emotion, but the pastoral counselor is interested in the message, including the underlying message.
I could not remember all of the techniques offered in the reading for this level of listening. However, after reading these materials I was more conscious of the need to ask questions, not assume I know what inspired non-verbal communication (i.e. mind-read), and to hold my reaction until I had a better understanding. This actually has been helpful. I tend to assume I can intuitively understand a vast amount of information people don't share up front. The story I create from an interaction must be correct... or at least I hold confidence in it. However, I have often been wrong and am holding this idea (of my intuitive super-power) more lightly and I think it has helped me to be less judgmental and more interested in asking questions.
Using pastoral counseling listening in conversations, I believe I have learned more about other people. I have been able to extend conversations past where I would normally say "oh I understand" and focus more on the other person. Honestly, it is hard to suddenly switch into a new way of conversing. But even a small extension of conversation that involves additional questions and pausing of my internal judgment has proved beneficial.
I think it was tiring a bit because I was worried about not remembering all the steps and advice the book gave. But then I simplified it for myself (for now) to just ask more questions and pause judgment (of me thinking I understand) for a bit.
Pastoral counseling listening stands out in some ways as unique because the frame of one of the individuals involved is intentionally other-focused. This "other-focus" also originates from the "pastoral" part of the listening, but not exclusively as Christianity in general promotes "other-focus". The point of pastoral counseling listening is to try and understand as fully as possible what the person is trying to communicate. This may not be what they think they want to communicate, such as a fact without their emotion, but the pastoral counselor is interested in the message, including the underlying message.
I could not remember all of the techniques offered in the reading for this level of listening. However, after reading these materials I was more conscious of the need to ask questions, not assume I know what inspired non-verbal communication (i.e. mind-read), and to hold my reaction until I had a better understanding. This actually has been helpful. I tend to assume I can intuitively understand a vast amount of information people don't share up front. The story I create from an interaction must be correct... or at least I hold confidence in it. However, I have often been wrong and am holding this idea (of my intuitive super-power) more lightly and I think it has helped me to be less judgmental and more interested in asking questions.
Using pastoral counseling listening in conversations, I believe I have learned more about other people. I have been able to extend conversations past where I would normally say "oh I understand" and focus more on the other person. Honestly, it is hard to suddenly switch into a new way of conversing. But even a small extension of conversation that involves additional questions and pausing of my internal judgment has proved beneficial.
I think it was tiring a bit because I was worried about not remembering all the steps and advice the book gave. But then I simplified it for myself (for now) to just ask more questions and pause judgment (of me thinking I understand) for a bit.